pansypoo's personal rant page.

RANDOM ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA POST (i gotta post more as my notes is piling up!)

SEBASTION CABOT-reknowned navigator and contemporary of columbus. son of a venetian merchant, b in bristol, england. no certain dates of b or d. no history before he was 20.
discoveries by columbus, infused sebastion to follow his achievements. henry VIII wished to enter maritime discovery. the cabots got a patent 1496 which empowered them to seek out, subdue, and occupy at their own charges any regions which before had 'been unknown to all christians.' set w/ royal banner + possess the territories they found as kings.
S and pa sailed from ristol in 1497 and returned after 1st discovery. 9/10/1497- "to him that found new isle, £10."
not new foundland as thought, but probably american mainland.
the most precise account of the disc. is from a map drawn by SC and engraved in 1549 by clement Adams. which hung in Queen elizabeth's gallery.
on SC's map of 1544, nothing is above the 16th parallel. island st. juan(st edward) within a gulf. st laurence. a 2nd patentto John Cabot(pa) 2/3/1498, authorized him to take 6 ships, but before the expedition, j died and SC w/ a fleet of 5 ships sailed in 1498. on this voyage, upon landing(prob hudson bay) he sought to find passage to india(why didn't anybody go south/west?. until fear of icebergs, crew mutinied, compelling him to turn around. going far south as 38º along coast. returned to E. took 300 men for colony, but landed too far north and most died. took 3 american native w/ him.
nothing of SC til 1512, where he was living in seville, engaged in map editing, death of ferdinand put end of search for NW passage to cathay and he returned to E. 1517 sailed again for A. 1518 revisited spain, appointed pilot-major, 1526 sailed again, but for south america to paraguay, forced to return to spain, back to E and maybe bristol. edward VI in 1549 granted the aged seaman a pension of 250 marks. Hakluyt(?) states that office of grand pilot of E created for him. at this time SC explained to the king the phenomenon of the variation of the needle, active in promoting the expedition of 1553 to russia, the success which gave him the life appointment to gov of muscovy Co. SB supposedly died in London in 1557, 61 years after his 1st commision from henry VIII and close to 80 yrs. place of burial unknown.

CAUL/KABUL-capital of Afghanistan, believed to be the Ortospanum or Ortospana of alexander's geographies on his march, maybe corruption of urddhasthana. 'highplace'

CACHAO/KACHO/KECHO/HECHO/KESHO-formerly Donk-king and now BACTHIAN or BAL-KING largest city of ANAM(vietnam?)

CACONGO-small kingdom of west africa, seperate from congo by river Zaire. capital Kinguela.

CADIZ-latin Gades and formerly called Cales in east spain. very scenic. commercial greatness in 17th + 18th C when a major port between spain and their colonies. Cadiz is identical w/ ancient Agadir, Gadir, or Gadir, which was a flourishing phoenician colony before classical history and continued in cathaginian hands til after punic wars when romans too it.

RANDOM UP NORTH POST

gotta finish this set so i can start another round of pics. gotta scan another photo album. find eivind.
master bath sink wall.

RANDOM HOARD-EBAY POST

i planned on hoarding this. found it at a real neat estate sale. 50¢. wanted to give it to keith. but...too big really to keep and i don't smoke. i didn't even know about allen-braley's architecture division or ceramics. pretty damn cool. got $9.99 for it.

RANDOM NEED TO LAUGH POST

RANDOM DEATH POST

back to eivind. ever since the fucktard georgie stole the white house. i have lost somebody in fall. grandma F, in 2001, grandpa F 2002, who went in 03'? grandma A? or was that 04' beulah and keith in 06'. my grandpa F's cousin bill gumm just died. 1 of 4 brothers. and now i learn eivind. who am i missing. auntie next fall? i think 04' was the only year without death. except democracy.
fuck bush. fuck getting old.
full being alone.
not that i am lonely. just wish....
wish i had keith.

RANDOM SAD POST

i also got a Xmas card from Jeannette Lillehoj. i will post more about her and eivind. but eivind passed away in feb this year. i stayed with them about a week around 1999 with bendicte on one of her road trips. i spent a lot of time with 80 year old eivind. good old danish liberal. we would talk politics and history. he was a retired professor. he loved jazz. i was listed to NPR and told him that John(mind blank-senator who wore a sweater vest on the senate floor, repulican i liked, gonna come to me i know it will) CHAFFEE died. and that golfer was flying overhead dead in a plane.
he was really sweet. i have to send jeannette a letter.

RANDOM WWI BOOK POST

well, almost 1/2 thru. americans are finally in the trenches. the first amercan artilary shot has been flown. and he gives the names of the gunmanners. and much discussion about the first american to give his life. much discussion about the western front of the french towns.
and he talks of a special commander. a man who seems to take relish no matter how hard the endeavor. Major griffiths had fought in the philippine insurrection as a sergeant in the tennessee naional guar, rose to major, then joined the aussies and fought at gallipoli in 1914. wounded, sent to britain to recover. promoted to a british major and sent to france in command of a the sherwood forresters. wounded twice, ypres and loos. but when the americans joined, rejoined the american army, rushing his convalescence. his right hand still not 100%, but thrilled to fight for the US again. he died 3 months later at catigny.
i guess back then you couldn't thrill seek by climbing mountains and sky gliding.

RANDOM ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA POST

BYZANTIUM- ancient city. 'modern constantinople' (cue They Might Be Giants-ISTANBUL!) has been built there. founded by Megarians 667 bc. war war war mixed racially and fought over by each side CIVIL WAR.
in 196ad besieged and taken by Severus, who destroyed the city, and demolished the faous wall, which built of massive stones, so closely rivetted together to appear one block.
severus rebuilt and named it Augustia Antonina
constantine found the area perfect and established Constantinople in 330 ad.
byzantines, by historians, considered profligate, lazy, pleasure seeking. LOS ANGELES! was there surfing?

this ends B. and here begins C.

CABBAGE-the parent form of the variety of useful culinary vegies. wild cabbage insignificant plant, 1 to 2 ft high.
a channel island cabbage forms usually 8ft, but known to grow double that height. the cabbage that ate scotland!
'drumhead' cabbage in germany converted into sauerkraut by placing in a tub with layers of salt and cabbage and fermented. kohlrabi is a peculiar and exceptional variety of cabbage. cultivated in certain districts as cattle food(denmark, i saw this-you don't eat it?). has anti-scorbutic properties, but unless eeaten when very fresh and tender, they are difficult to digest and have very decided tedency to produce flatulence(REALLY?!?)

CABIRI-mythology. identified w/ the DIOSCURI, (castor + pollux), in common w/ whom they were styled and had the power of protecting life against storms at sea, the symbol of their presence st. elmo fire. worship local and peculiar to islands of lemnos, imbros and samothrace, there extending to troy.

SWEATER SATURDAY BLOGGING

i didn't gain weight by the way. just multiple layers of long underwear.

RANDOM UP NORTH POST

master bath chest and detailing.

RANDOM SQUIRREL MENACE POST

flying skwerl.

FRIDAY ART BLOGGING

acid mona. another psycadelic pastel. i have 2 sizes of prints of this. one almost 11 by 8 1/2. an e-pal wanted one and now on sale at art fairs. pretty good seller. but i loved that a 10 or so year old boy wanted her. now that kid has taste.

RANDOM POLITICS POST

i think this was 'stolen' from dependable renegade. i think. or rising hegemon. was in comments.

RANDOM ZOOLINE POST

wanna delete these. mosre zooline critters. and them hippos are being listed like crazee. why can't i find a hippo? i want one.

RANDOM EBAY WTF POST

BLA? WHAT?
oh my! the coca-cola coin thingy is at $46 and 2 hours to go! oh, i don't think i am hoarding that other one no more.
BUT WHAT IS IT???
most excellent. but sad. the silk pilot escape map got $46. that was even neater. course winston got eve more.
go figure. but gotta love Coke!!! maybe i will add those paperboard coasters, just to say thanks.

RANDOM MINI RANT

fucking republican. they just suck. first Boner on NPR yesterday whining about the democrats not being bi-partisan. i mean STFU asshole. you reap what you SOW!
and georgie and his fucking PARTISAN vetos. WHEN WILL HE BE UNACCEPTABLE for %#ssake? what is WRONG with america? why haven't we put him in a cage????
and this starts the rant on the fucking TEEVEE GNEWS!

RANDOM HOARD POST

another chicken. scandanavian rooster salt shaker. has a matching hen pepper, but this one is the better one. and i don't like blue or white. but i love the design.

RANDOM EBAY POST

coca cola coin up to $27. i may have to sell the other one now.

RANDOM UP NORTH POST

a kitchen pic.

RANDOM SKWRL POST

from that odd squirrel site. i liked this one.

RANDOM EBAY POST

pansypoo was a very bad girl. she paid $49 for a big plastic bag of old coins. pansypoo wanted the old danish and french coins and a few others, and pleny to ebay some didn't sell yet. the brazilians. but the pittsburgh railways token sold and a mexican 20 centavos and the paper uno peso bill. and tomorrow this baby ends. started at 99¢. yesterday $10 plus. tonight $12 and 8 people watching. i still have a shitload of new copper looking 20 centavos to get rid of. may have to sell more than 1 5 centavos at a time. and will see about the old belgians. may have to list the other coca-cola coin. depends on how much this one goes for. but what is it?

RANDOM COOL PIC POST

from abandoned places website. NY world's fair building remnant.

RANDOM ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA POST

BYZANTINE HISTORIANS- covering eastern greek or byzantine empire for millineum between theodosus and the turkish conquest of constantinople. classed together due to the # and fragments they produced. except procopius, the polybius of his time. (is this where the word procopius comes from?)

1-AGATHIAS of Myrina. 536 ad.died under Tiberius II 580ish-epigramist and poety editor 6 years 553-550. important narritive-goths and narses. war + 2 earthquakes 554 and 557, plague, and belisarius in bulgaria.

2-Menander protector-lived under Mauricius-581.

3- Theophylactus of Simocalta-sophist and of egyptian extraction. history of emperor Maurricius(582-602). 8 books. lived til 68. accurate but trivial and frigid. ? huh?

4-Joannes of Epiphaneia- contemporary of theophylactus. wrte history of wars of greeks and persians under latter part of justinians reign until restoration of chosroes II by mauricius 591. never printed, but said to exist in MS at heidelburg.

5- Emperor Constantine Porphyrogenitus 911-959. wrote history of grandfather, Basil, the Macedonian emp 867-886.

6- Gonesius, lived in time of guy above. wrote history of Basil II and 4 predeccessors. 813-886

7- Joannes Cameniata of thessalonica and crossbearer to archbishop. account of the sack of thessalonica by saracens in 904. narrative lively and valuable.

8-Leo Diaconus, 950ish ecclesiastic narrative of remarkable period of national recovery under Emperor Romanus II, Nicephorus Phocus and john Zimisces, when crete recognized, syria invaded and russians driven from bulgaria 959-975. wrote til 993.

9- Nicephorus Bryennius- son in law of emperor Alexius Comnenus and 1 of the 1st statesmen and generals of his time. 4 books of history of the empire and coments from 1057-1081.

10-ANNA COMENA, daughter of emperor Alexius and marvel of her sex at thattime of extremely low female education. wrote(1148) the history of her father in 15 books. the period of alexius interesting as that the barrier of byzantine isolation was broken down and the east and west came in contact by the encroachment of the normands on the east and by the crusades.

11-her history continued by Joannes Cinnamus, one of the most emminent of them all, in the imperial court of Manuel Comnenus 1143-1180. in position to write history, covers death of Alexius Comnenus(1118) to siege of Iconium by manuel Comnenus in 1176, who died in 1180, so the last part lost.

12- Nicetas Acominatus of choniates. patrician and held prominant positions under Isaac Angelus in bginning of the 1200's. covered same history as cinnims to 1206. described the taking of constantinople by latins in 4th crusade(1204). own palace destroyed. escaped to niceaea, where he wrote his history under theodore lascarus.

13- georgius acropolita, scholar and diplomat 1220-1282. wrote history of eastern empire during latin rule 1204-1261.

14- georgius pachymeres. priest and jurist under michael and andonicus palaeologus. wrote their history. one of the best

15-nicephorus gregoras-learned but passionate and untrustworthy(LIMBAUGH!) 1258-1358-38 books.

after the recovery of constantinople by greeks in 1261, Byz politics entered new state. feeble and distracted. unable to fight the turks and greeks sought help from the latins and the religious differences kept them away.

16-The emperor John Cantacuzenus. after his abdication wrote history of his times1320-1357, including the 15 years of his reign.

17-Joannes Cananus, wrote an account of the siege of constantinople by Amurath II in 1422(i read amurath)

18-Michael Ducas-chief historian of the fall of the greek empire, escaped the sack of constantinople to lesbos where he wrote his history after the turks to lesbos in 1462. the most dificult and barbarous, but alsointelligent, impartial, and sagacious. the fall also written by

20 georgius phrantzes +21 laonicus 1259-1477.

CHRONICLERS +CHRONOLOGERS-blah blah blah

WEDNESDAY KITTY PORN/HOARD BLOGGING

basil and pansy's tails. every morning, basil and pansy are on the bed waiting. i got this nice vintage blanket in a $3 bag. very nicely done. looks better in person. or real light.

57? more Bush who called wolf weeks to go
57? more Bush who called wolf weeks to go
NIE? no nuke program? who cares
iran has to explain WHY they had a program. SO THERE!
57? more Bush who called wolf weeks to go

RANDOM SQUIRREL MENACE POST

from the squirrelly website

RANDOM UP NORTH POST

grandma not only refinished this chair. she pilfered it from an abandoned cabin behind the cottage decades ago. caned seat needs repair. grandma made the little padded board to suffice.

RANDOM VERMIN POST

scientists ca[ptured a LIVE pic of this itty bitty asian beatie. very rare. and i guess only found when dead. soon to be a japanese cartoon star.

RANDOM EBAY POST

outhouse update. the bidding ended around $167, but didn't hit the reserve.

MONDAY ROADKILL BLOGGING

dog- Netis£h. used to be attamoys, an eastern US tribe. one buyer who came back thought it was attorneys. tee hee.

SUNDI CHURCH BLOGGING

from abandoned places

SUNDI LOLCAT CHURCH POST-old testment reedin-

dooduronomee 1-

Ceiling Cat sez GTFO Horeb
1 oh hai I is deutronomy and this is transcripshin of words mozes sed to ppl in the desert. k here they are:2 first I tells u it is 11 days to go from horeb to kadesh cuz of sum montins. 4 sum reson u shud no this. k, now start 4 real:

3 On november 1st, 40, mozes was transl8n 4 ceiling cat, cuz ceiling cat wuz tellin ppl what 2 do4 k wait i forgot 2 tell u, but this is after mozes killed some kings that were making him angry. k, no moar intrupshins:

5 k wait again, btw they were in a place calld moab (sry). neway, mozes was tellin a story to sum ppl about his advencher with them. mayb they were forgetful, cuz they were there too, even I was there sept i forget so u need to listn to mozes instid, here he is, take it away mozes:

6 K, so it starts off when ceiling cat says u guys r on this meowntin 4 too long7 so u can has jurnee and go a diffrint montin. Is called amorites. also u shud go to youfrates river. and even further. just gtfo the montin ffs.8 k so here is a map, and u shud be thankful cuz I am tellin u about ur land. Is yours. Is ur land becuz remember when ceiling cat said ur fathers cud hav this land, so u can has.
Bosscats R Namd
9 Remember when that happend? ya, i was lik the only one doing any werk at the time.10 except now ceilng cat was watching u guyz do each other LOL so now there is lots of u, so u can do werk11 oh ya and ceilng cat was like LOL u guyz shud do it even moar when u get off the montin.12 i meen srsly i cant do all the werk13 Ok, on with the story. so u can has govermint, and i was said whether it is good or not

14 and u were all: kthx

15 i mad u a govermint with ur smart doods.16 then i mad a supreem court and said to be fair to everyone, not just ur frends.17 k so i sed to be gud at juging. abd dont be cowrds, ceiling cat will protict u becuz relly he is juging u or something. neway if it is too hard u can just tell me and i will judg it for u.18 so ya, remember that time i mad ur governmint? that was cool.
Spiez Go For Looksee
19 k so after i mad ur govermint then we went on the jurnee i was talkin about b4, cuz ceiling cat told us to. we went from horeb to kadesh (this is why i was talkin abut it b4, k so it tooks 11 days). it was prity scary. we went to mont kadesh. sry i forgot to say kadesh is in amorites. is same thing basicaly.20 neway, i was like, 'ok we're here, and ceiling cat is giving u ur land. Yours.'21 and i said 'ceiling cat says 'this is urs.' don't be scard.'

22 then u guys wer all 'ok so how r we going to go up the mowtin?' and like 'which cities can we ransack or whatever' and then u were all 'lets send out some guys to chek things out'

23 and i said is gud idea. so i got 12 of ur men fro ur tribs. k u guys proly remember this, but neway...24 so they went up in the hills and cheked out the eschol vally.25 they didnt find ne cities but they found sum frut and brot it back and said 'ceiling cat's idea was prety good chek it the frut we finded'
Ceiling Cat Iz Oppozd!
26 but then u guys were lazy and thought the montin was too big to clim, even tho i told u ceilng cat ordred u to go up.27 and then u wined about how ceiling cat was trying to kill and u said the ppl in the amorits are going to kill us, that was ceiling cats plan all along. and u sed egypt was way bettr.28 u said 'we cant go up, ther cities HUJE and they will kill us, speshilly becuz Anak ppl are ther.'

29 so I sed 'chill out and stop being pussies'30 and I told u 'ceiling cat is going to fight too, just like when he fighted with u in egypt, remember?'31 'and remember when on ur jurnee ceiling cat carried u guys down the montin ffs. i think he can handle this."

32 eksept u guys were all 'wait that didnt happen' and 'is he rly going to help?' and u still didnt trust ceiling cat.33 ceiling cat even finded u places to camp and stuf, I meen srsly, dont u remember?

34 Ya, but i bet u remembr what happend next: Ceiling cat got pissed off is what happend next.35 he said "then no, u cant has land. Not Yours."36 and he added 'eksept for Caleb who did what i sed.'

37 and then he sed even I cant has the land.38 He tells me 'Joshua (is my assistant) can has land instead. Not yours.'39 Ceiling cat sed though that 'ur kids can has the land tho...40 ...but u guys need to gtfo. hows about u tak ur jurnee to the red sea and mak like a tree and leev.'

41 Then u guys all chanjd ur mind and were all 'oh shit!! ok we can has fight now, ceiling cat, we r sory, srsly.'

42 But ceiling cat was all 'is too late. i is not acceptin ur apologies. if u go fight now u will be pwned cuz i not fightin with u'

43 and then lol and behold, u went up neway like a bunch of noobs44 and then u were pwned just lik ceiling cat sed, and they chasd u off the montin (all the way from Seir to Hormah.)45 then u came back and u cried. and u were all 'ceiling cat why u no help us?' but ceiling cat was lik 'duh, i told u i was not going 2 help u' and put u on ignore.46 so u guys stayed in kadesh for awhile not doing anything rly... anyone else think is weird i am telling u what happen to urselves? neway, that's the end of chaptir one.

ktnxbai

SUNDI LOLCAT CHURCH POST-nu testments reedin

ax 1-
Jesus Gose to Teh Sunnyspotz in Teh Ceiling
1 K so dis iz seccand book 'bout teh Jesus. furst waz Luke, dis iz Acks, k?2 So Jesus wnt up to teh ceiling after tellin teh apossels "Oh hai, go preech, kthxbai"3 Cuz, srsly, he rose from teh ded, srsly, and he waz here 4 liek siks wekes goin ceilings grate.4 He waz liek "Oh hai, guyz, stai in Jerusalem 4 a wile, k? Mah dad has sumthin 4 u5 Iz not water, iz HoverCat, k?"
6 So aposells wer liek "D00d, r u gonna maek Israel has cookie again?"
7 An Jesus wuz liek "IDK but mah dad noes teh stuff8 And u guyz gonna get teh HoverCat and preech bout me all ovar teh urths, srsly."
9 After he sed this stuff he went to teh hole in ceiling on invisible escowlator. omg hax!.
10 An teh oder kitties were all starin, srsly! Cuz dis dude jus lik wen up into teh ceiling! Holey moley! Two menz wit white fir wer all der sudenly. Where did dey com frum?!11 "Oh hai! Yo kittehs ov Galilee," dey said togethurz, which wuz creepy and stufs, srsly, "why j00 bein stoopid an starin up in deh ceilin? Dude, teh Jesus can has returns, rly! He wil com down teh invisible escowlator!"
Matthias Is Lik Deh New Guy After Judas, Srsy.
12 Den dey got boreded and tireded cuz lookin at teh ceilin a long time hurt da neckz. Dey has got to Jerusalem frum the Mount of Olives, wich are icky green plantz and stufs.13 Wen dey get ther dey go up teh stares an go into a room. Peter wuz ther, John wuz ther, James an Andrew wuz ther, Philip an Thomas wuz ther, BartholeMEW an Matthew wuz ther, James (not teh Jesus broder! lols) and Simon (he wuz a bit zelus) wuz ther, an Judas wuz ther. Wai!!! Judas!? How he get ther? Oh! not dat Judas, sry, it wuz the son of James (I dun no wich James). Dey were all in teh roomz, crowdin teh spaces.14 Dey went togetherz and tey all praid. Lotz. Srsly. Cuz Jesus wuz all up in teh ceilin now. omg, even Mary and teh wiminz praid to!
15 Den Peter stood up wit everywun In those days Peter stood up among the believers (a group numbering about a hundred and twenty)16 an he sed, "Broders, u kno wen teh Jesus wen up into teh Ceilin wit teh invisible escowlator? Well, deh HovrCat wuz in teh mouf of David, fulfillin teh profisy bout Judas (dat batrayer!). Srsly.17 He yused to be wun of us! Rly! We shareded cookiez wit him.
18 Becuz Judas wuz meen and takeded Jesus to teh offisers, he getz monees, and wit dat monees he has a feeld. In teh feeld he felded ovah and EWWWW! All his wiggly insides felded out! Gross, k?19 Den everywun hurd about dis an they has a funney name for dat feeld, its caled Akeldama, an dat jus meens 'Feeld ov Blud.'
20 An it iz witten,
'May diz plase be deserted (no, not lik chawcolots, k?)
let nobudy wan to lives here' an
May anoder tak hiz place of leedershipz, k?'
21 Now we haz to fulfil profisy too an pick somwun else to leed. k? Now dun push, we gunna pick dat persun.22 Dis persun has be wit Jesus frum teh beginin. ok? All teh way to teh time he get beeted and put on teh cross. Srsly. An he had to see Jesus go to teh ceilin. You got all dat?"
23 Den dey chosed two men. Joseph wuz all, "Ooh! Ooh! Pick Barsabbas. but dat is hard to say, so pick Justus. Dat is hiz oder name. Ooh! But Mattias is cool too. k. We pick wun of dem, kk?"24 So den tey praid, "Ceiling Cat, yu know peoplez harts and you pick da next guy, plz?25 Yu kno he gunna take ovah da ministree, which dat batrayer left to dah bad place."26 But insted of waitin for Ceiling Cat dey jus draw straws. Matthias winz! Yay!

ktnxbai

SUNDI LOLCAT CHURCH POST-gospl reedin

luk 1-
1 Lotz of peeplz tried to tel dis stori,2 its turnded into sort of an urbn lejnd LOL.3 So I investigaetd evrithin for mai frend Theophilus,4 so u will know teh truef.
5 Wen Herrud hads cheezburgers, sum dood callz Zac hads waif callz Liz.6 Dey laiks Ceiling Cat and does not pee on his rug.7 But dey waz old and still has no kittehs.8 One dai, Zac waz serving Ceiling Cat,9 He hadz to smoke da catnip10 Wen every doodz was preying.11 And dey was an angel in da catnip -12 O noez!13 But teh angel sed "is okai. You can has a kitteh. Calls him Jon.14 You can has partiez, and all teh doodz also15 Foar Ceiling Cat will laik him; but he cans not has da drinkies.16 An he will work foar teh Ceiling Cat17 And makes all teh doodz sry dey was bad."18 An Zac sed: "wat? But me and mai waif has rinkles"19 An teh angel sed "Srsly, I is Gabriel. I knows Ceiling Cat, who sendz me,20 But 'cos you doesn't beleeve me you can has no voice foar now, kthxbai".
21 Evribodi wondrd whai Zechariah wuz takin so long in teh templ.22 When he comed out he cudnt talk. But evribodi figrd out he hadded a visiun, bcz he actd it out.23 Evenchly hiz tour of duti wuz up n he comed home.24 N hiz wief Elizabeth gotted pregnant.25 "Thank u Ceiling Cat," she sed.
Hail, Mary
26 Ceiling Cat sended Gabriel, a hovr d00d, to Nazareth (dat is a citi in Galilee)27 to a virgn naemd Mary. She wuz engajded to a d00d naemd Joseph.28 Gabriel wuz liek "O hai Mary, u iz realli nice. Ceiling Cat iz wif u."29 Mary wuz kiend of worrid about dat.30 But teh hovr d00d wuz all "Doant be afraid. Ceiling Cat iz happi wif u.31 U iz gonna hav a kittn. Naem him Jesus.32 He wil be graet. He wil be teh kittn of Ceiling Cat an his daddi will give him David's chaer.33 He wil r00l Jacob's house forevr."
34 Mary wuz liek "O rly, i iz a virgn remembr."35 Gabriel wuz all "Ceiling Cat wil take caer of it."36 Elizabeth iz goin to hav a kittn n evribodi seded it wuz imposubl."37 Nothin iz imposubl for Ceiling Cat."
38 Mary sed "I is happi to do Ceiling Cat's work. Liek u sai." N Gabriel lefted.
[edit] Mary vizitz Elizabeth
41 When Elizabeth hurd dat, teh kittn insied her gotted all excitd.42 Elizabeth wuz all "Ceiling Cat givz u cheezburgr, an he givz ur kittn cheezburgr too.43 I iz lucki dat teh mothr of mai Lord comed to see me.44 Jus look at what mai kittn did when he heared u.45 If u beleev dat what Ceiling Cat sed to u wil come true, u can haz cheezburgr."
Mary's Song of Praise - the MagnifiCat (srsly)
46 Mary sed "Ceiling Cat is laik a big deal,
47 Mai I is happy about Ceiling Cat...
48 bcz he kepted me in maind an now evribodi knowz i can haz cheezburgr.
49 Thank u Ceiling Cat, u iz cool.
50 U iz niec to evribodi.
51 Xcept peeplz who doant dizrv it LOL.
52 U haz pwned teh r00lrz
whiel stil bein niec to teh n00bz.
53 U givd cookies to teh hungri
whiel u tolded teh rich "Niec trai."
54 U wuz niec to Israel
55 an to all Abraham's famili liek u promist."
56 Mary staied wif Elizabeth three munfz. Den she wented hoam.
Teh Birf of John teh Baptest
57 Elizabeth's kittn wuz a boi.58 Evribodi wuz happi.59 Dey had hiz boi-harblez fixted (but not liek ur thinkin). Dey wuz gonna naem him Zechariah,60 but Elizabeth wuz all "STFU we iz callin him John."
61 Evribodi wuz all "No wai."62 Dey trieded to figr out what Zechariah wantid to call him. Zechariah cudnt talk rimembr.63 He rieted down "John." Evribodi wuz liek "OMG srsly?"64 Az soon az dat happnd he cud talk agin an he wuz all "Thanx Ceiling Cat."65 Evribodi wuz all "OMG."66 N dey wundrd what Ceiling Cat's planz for John wuz.
Zechariah's Song
67 Hovr Cat wuz in Zechariah, makin him tell teh fyoochr.
68 "Good for u Ceiling Cat, u maed thingz bettr for Israel.
69 U pickted up a trumpit for us.
70 Liek teh profetz sed u wud.
71 U protectided us from all teh bulliez.
72 U wuz niec to our daddiz an remembrd dey hadded a deel wif u.
73 Teh deal u maded wif Abraham,
74 to protect us, n let us work for u wifout fear
75 n be good all our lievz.
76 Mai kittn, peeplz wil call u Ceiling Cat's profet
becz us wil get evrithin reddi for him,
77 so dat peeplz Invisible Errors will be forgivn,
78 bcz Ceiling Cat iz niec, liek teh sun
79 dat shienz an liets teh wai."
80 Teh kittn growded up strong evn tho he livded in teh dezrt.

ktnxbai