Saturday, February 23, 2008
RANDOM BLOG QUESTION
should i sully my nice clean blog with. ick. ads? wonder what they'd think was 'appropriate'? HA.
hmm. go over to the corrente leftbehind. squirrel/removal ads?
should i sully my nice clean blog with. ick. ads? wonder what they'd think was 'appropriate'? HA.
hmm. go over to the corrente leftbehind. squirrel/removal ads?
RANDOM OAXACAN CRITTER POST
new objects i desire, but can't afford. so i shall steal their 'souls'. thanks to marie, VA ebayer, waves hi to the southeast. i DO have a small cat. boss brought it back from mexico. and i have a little owl i got at an estate sale.
Friday, February 22, 2008
RANDOM SQUIRREL POST
there will always be squirrels. enough with old buildings. bring on the squirrels.
RANDOM FOLLOW-UP POST
definitely a russian church. built in 1664.
RANDOM CAT POST
i made banana bread yesterday. sybil was sitting at the table watching the mix go into the baking dish. i looked at sybil. looked at spatula. ?. so i put the spatula in front of her face. she sniffed it, then gingerly took a little taste. thinking and then she licked it off. she likes banana bread batter. gotta test basil. aka mikey.
definitely a russian church. built in 1664.
RANDOM CAT POST
i made banana bread yesterday. sybil was sitting at the table watching the mix go into the baking dish. i looked at sybil. looked at spatula. ?. so i put the spatula in front of her face. she sniffed it, then gingerly took a little taste. thinking and then she licked it off. she likes banana bread batter. gotta test basil. aka mikey.
FRIDAY ART BLOGGING
my 2nd fish. from a calendar picture. one of my favrites. i did damn good. i paint dat!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
RANDOM ESTATE SALE POST
i did a ranch house sale today. SO tacky. lots of faux louis VI? cream french stuff carried out and over done bad art. my mom picked up some nicer framed sailing ships tho. did find an old silver or pewter topped lether, embossed over wood dice shaker and an older russian painter spoon bowl set. gotta remove paper stuck on the bowl. the spoon is real nice. will see how the bowl cleans up. was a nasty ranch in my opinion. too oblique. course, it also had UGLY WALLPAPER!
i have started paper removal. WTF did they do to this bowl? it is so nice and obviously pretty old. pre-USSR?
i did a ranch house sale today. SO tacky. lots of faux louis VI? cream french stuff carried out and over done bad art. my mom picked up some nicer framed sailing ships tho. did find an old silver or pewter topped lether, embossed over wood dice shaker and an older russian painter spoon bowl set. gotta remove paper stuck on the bowl. the spoon is real nice. will see how the bowl cleans up. was a nasty ranch in my opinion. too oblique. course, it also had UGLY WALLPAPER!
i have started paper removal. WTF did they do to this bowl? it is so nice and obviously pretty old. pre-USSR?
THURSDAY BUTTER STAMP BLOGGING
i want i want i want. love the 3 leaf one. and the big wheat sheaf. sigh. ii want them all.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
WEDNESDAY CAT EXPLOITATION BLOGGING
basil in the sockdrawer. year, i have socks. lonely unworn socks. should last me forever.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
OH NOES!!!
NBC had fucking mcinsane on giving his OBCENE 'victory' speech and i had mcINSAIN related tourettes! hell no cn he win. PLEASE GOD! isn't 8 years ENOUGH???
47? more $#@#$@% Bush weeks to go
47? more ^%%$@#^ Bush weeks to go
georgie said he was gonna stamp his widdle boots about the FISA bill
but georgie left for africa instead to do hard werk. hope he gets ill
47? more $%#@@%$^@#&$%*$@^#%$ Bush weeks to go
voted today. sunny and a BALMY -2. over 300 had voted at 2pm. that's pretty good.
BUSH FATIGUE. SAY IT!
47? more ^%%$@#^ Bush weeks to go
georgie said he was gonna stamp his widdle boots about the FISA bill
but georgie left for africa instead to do hard werk. hope he gets ill
47? more $%#@@%$^@#&$%*$@^#%$ Bush weeks to go
voted today. sunny and a BALMY -2. over 300 had voted at 2pm. that's pretty good.
BUSH FATIGUE. SAY IT!
Monday, February 18, 2008
RANDOM HOARD POST
in honor of the chimperor being in africa, a little bit of africa via norway. my cousin gave this to me. she found it at a madison estate sale. it has no sex, tho does have tits,
RANDOM EB POST
CARRIER, Jean Baptitse 1756-1794 french revolutionist. famous for cruelty at start of the french rev. an obscure attorney-1792, chosen deputy to the national convention. known to the cordeliers club. carried out the organizing the progress of liberty. took part in establishing the tribunal and revolutionary. said openly that for prosperity of the republic, at least 1/2 of the population must be oppressed(gee, that sounds familiar). prominant part in may 31 overthrow of girondists. 10/1793 in nantes, suppresses a revolt severely. formed the 'legion of marat' to dispose of political prisoners, but instead victims sent to guillotine, shot or cut down in prisons en masse. put many on a vessel and with a trapdoor, sunk in the loire, at night.'republikkkan partisan!' and soon was the one condemned.
CARTER, elizabeth 1717-1806. lady scholar. celbrated translator of the works of epictus. daughter of rev, dr. carter of deal. mother died when she was about 10. all his children educated, but elizabeth slowness tried his patience and only by perseverance that she conquered her natural incompacity for learning(dyslexia?) studied late into night and early morning using snuff and chewing green tea to keep awake. suffered headaches all her life. learned greek and latin, also hebrew, french, german, italian, spanish, portuguese and some arabic. studied astronomy, ancient geography, ancient and modern history. 1734, some of her verses published. 1738 a small book of poems. translated an attack on pope from french 1739. translated fom italian book on newton. epictus in 1749, published in 1758. 1762 another poem book friend and correspondent w/ johnson, horace walpole, richadson, and many more. lived to 80. memoirs pub 1808.
you can still get some of her writings.
CARRIER, Jean Baptitse 1756-1794 french revolutionist. famous for cruelty at start of the french rev. an obscure attorney-1792, chosen deputy to the national convention. known to the cordeliers club. carried out the organizing the progress of liberty. took part in establishing the tribunal and revolutionary. said openly that for prosperity of the republic, at least 1/2 of the population must be oppressed(gee, that sounds familiar). prominant part in may 31 overthrow of girondists. 10/1793 in nantes, suppresses a revolt severely. formed the 'legion of marat' to dispose of political prisoners, but instead victims sent to guillotine, shot or cut down in prisons en masse. put many on a vessel and with a trapdoor, sunk in the loire, at night.'republikkkan partisan!' and soon was the one condemned.
CARTER, elizabeth 1717-1806. lady scholar. celbrated translator of the works of epictus. daughter of rev, dr. carter of deal. mother died when she was about 10. all his children educated, but elizabeth slowness tried his patience and only by perseverance that she conquered her natural incompacity for learning(dyslexia?) studied late into night and early morning using snuff and chewing green tea to keep awake. suffered headaches all her life. learned greek and latin, also hebrew, french, german, italian, spanish, portuguese and some arabic. studied astronomy, ancient geography, ancient and modern history. 1734, some of her verses published. 1738 a small book of poems. translated an attack on pope from french 1739. translated fom italian book on newton. epictus in 1749, published in 1758. 1762 another poem book friend and correspondent w/ johnson, horace walpole, richadson, and many more. lived to 80. memoirs pub 1808.
you can still get some of her writings.
RANDOM WISH TO HOARD
i want i want i want. i want a fish lure.
MONDAY NOT ROADKILL BLOGGING
paisley cosmo. one of my favorites and a very good seller. cosmo posed for this one. at first i just had the paisley and cat, and it didn't seem right. and then i added the upper dots and circles. MAGIC.
i paint that!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
RANDOM EB POST
CAROLINE, Amelia Augusta 1768-1821. wife of George IV. 2nd daughter of Charles William Ferdinand, duke of Bruswick-wolfenbutlel. strict childhood. 1795 married to G IV, prince of wales, who disliked her and seperated after birth of daughter in 1796. since G IV was a bad boy, she was favored. 1806, bad girl. investigated in 1814. left england and traveled europe. G IV king in 1820. prevented C being Queen. she came back to england. divorce proceedings, but recognized queen, but not allowed coronation. died soon after.
CARPET- pgs 127-131
CARPI, Girolamo Da 1501-1556. painter. 'originator' of chiarascuro,, but NOT-done earlier .
CARRIAGE-3+ pages. 'modern' carriages- barouche, britzska, droski, CABRIOLET, cab phaeton, gig + tilbury, curricle, LANDAU, fourgon, BROUGHAM, clarence, T-cart, rockaway, char-a-cote, tarantas, kibitka, telega, carriole, etc.
Labels: RANDOM
RANDOM ORATION POST
same Morley speech who heard it from the american matthew arnold.
-it is moral ideas that at the bottom decide the standing or falling of states and nations.
(our problem is the top's morals.)
same Morley speech who heard it from the american matthew arnold.
-it is moral ideas that at the bottom decide the standing or falling of states and nations.
(our problem is the top's morals.)
DIS IZ TEH LOL OLD TESTMENT REEDING
JENISUS 9-
1 Teh Ceiling Cat blezt Noah and hes sunz, and sed to theys: “Haf lawt sexytime n b frootful n fill up teh urthz"
2 Teh aneemals wil be rly scured of u. I mak dem be pwned by u guyz, lol.
3 If it mvs, it kin be et. Even if it dun't—o hai plants.
4 Jst teh meet, doods. No bloods, kthx
5 Ifs u eets teh bloodz iz no gud; teh aminulz noes can has teh bloodz an teh mans noes can eets teh bloodz. An ifs u pwns teh mans iz no gud--teh Ceiling Cat pwns u.
6 “Ifs you pwns da man,
teh man pwns u, k?
Teh man is liek teh
Ceiling Cat.
7 Yah rly, can has teh hawt secks and teh baybeez;
Liek, tunnz baybeez, k?
Evrywharez.”
7 Yah rly, can has teh hawt secks and teh baybeez;
Liek, tunnz baybeez, k?
Evrywharez.”
8 Ceiling Cat sez to Noah an his kidz:
9 “Hay looks, u an me r liek teh bests frenz an I lieks ur baybeez too,
10 An' teh aminulz u has: teh burdies, teh caws taht mooes, and teh otehr aminulz, dem gives teh mooves off teh boats, k?
11 U and me r liek teh frenz: I no moar makez teh waterz comez; u noe gets wet no moar, k?”
12 Teh Ceiling Cat sez: “U noes taht u and me are teh frenz and me and teh animulz r teh frenz forevr n evr becuz dis: cuz Ceiling Cat pwns rpeat...
13 Visible Raynbo iz in teh skyz, k? U an me an evrywunz is teh frenz becuz teh raynbo r gr8.
14 Ifs u sees teh clowdz, u no kin sez, "Oh Noes! Teh waters comes!" becuz tehres teh raynbo;
15 and I kin sez "OHai luk teh raynbo," becuz u and me and teh aminulz are hella gud frenz; I no makes teh waterz come.
16 Teh raynbo will be in teh clowds and I rmberz taht u and me and teh aminuls iz stil sum moar teh frenz.”
17 And Ceiling Cat sez to Noah, “Teh raynbo meens u and me are teh frenz, k?”
Noah an his sunz
18 So diz d00d Noah has teh 3 sonz on teh boatz. They has sum crazi namez all Shem and Ham and Japheth or summin. Ham wuz Canaan's daddi n nawt teh lunch meats. lol
19 newaiz frum deez 3 bros, all of teh worldz was ppl-ated.
20 So liek Noah groes teh grapez.
21 And Noah iz liek "Oh hai grapez" and he drinkz teh grapez and drinkz teh moar grapez and no moar haz teh cloethz on.
22 And Ham, Canaan's daddi and nawt teh lunch meats, sees Noah and sez "Oh hai broes, he haz teh invisible cloethz."
23 But Shem and Japheth tooks sum cloethz n put dem on Noah cuz he wuz drunkz. They clozd ther eyez so they not sawn his peen n othr nekidness.
24 So Noah wakez up wif teh hangzover n he noes dat Ham shudda cut him offa teh grapez
25 So liek Noah sez:
“Canaan iz teh stoopid;
He iz a noob of noobz
And liek evrywun pwns him. evn teh fat kid”
26 And he sez:
“Teh Ceiling Cat pwns,
Teh Ceiling Cat taht lieks Shem,
And Shem pwns Canaan.
27 Teh Ceiling Cat lieks Japheth,
He kin be in Shemz tentz,
subjigaeting hiz mans.”
28 So liek Noah keep livn three hunderd n fifty years after teh waterz goez away
29 So Noah becumz ded whenz he be OMG WTF 950???, wowzors but hez ded nao
JENISUS 9-
1 Teh Ceiling Cat blezt Noah and hes sunz, and sed to theys: “Haf lawt sexytime n b frootful n fill up teh urthz"
2 Teh aneemals wil be rly scured of u. I mak dem be pwned by u guyz, lol.
3 If it mvs, it kin be et. Even if it dun't—o hai plants.
4 Jst teh meet, doods. No bloods, kthx
5 Ifs u eets teh bloodz iz no gud; teh aminulz noes can has teh bloodz an teh mans noes can eets teh bloodz. An ifs u pwns teh mans iz no gud--teh Ceiling Cat pwns u.
6 “Ifs you pwns da man,
teh man pwns u, k?
Teh man is liek teh
Ceiling Cat.
7 Yah rly, can has teh hawt secks and teh baybeez;
Liek, tunnz baybeez, k?
Evrywharez.”
7 Yah rly, can has teh hawt secks and teh baybeez;
Liek, tunnz baybeez, k?
Evrywharez.”
8 Ceiling Cat sez to Noah an his kidz:
9 “Hay looks, u an me r liek teh bests frenz an I lieks ur baybeez too,
10 An' teh aminulz u has: teh burdies, teh caws taht mooes, and teh otehr aminulz, dem gives teh mooves off teh boats, k?
11 U and me r liek teh frenz: I no moar makez teh waterz comez; u noe gets wet no moar, k?”
12 Teh Ceiling Cat sez: “U noes taht u and me are teh frenz and me and teh animulz r teh frenz forevr n evr becuz dis: cuz Ceiling Cat pwns rpeat...
13 Visible Raynbo iz in teh skyz, k? U an me an evrywunz is teh frenz becuz teh raynbo r gr8.
14 Ifs u sees teh clowdz, u no kin sez, "Oh Noes! Teh waters comes!" becuz tehres teh raynbo;
15 and I kin sez "OHai luk teh raynbo," becuz u and me and teh aminulz are hella gud frenz; I no makes teh waterz come.
16 Teh raynbo will be in teh clowds and I rmberz taht u and me and teh aminuls iz stil sum moar teh frenz.”
17 And Ceiling Cat sez to Noah, “Teh raynbo meens u and me are teh frenz, k?”
Noah an his sunz
18 So diz d00d Noah has teh 3 sonz on teh boatz. They has sum crazi namez all Shem and Ham and Japheth or summin. Ham wuz Canaan's daddi n nawt teh lunch meats. lol
19 newaiz frum deez 3 bros, all of teh worldz was ppl-ated.
20 So liek Noah groes teh grapez.
21 And Noah iz liek "Oh hai grapez" and he drinkz teh grapez and drinkz teh moar grapez and no moar haz teh cloethz on.
22 And Ham, Canaan's daddi and nawt teh lunch meats, sees Noah and sez "Oh hai broes, he haz teh invisible cloethz."
23 But Shem and Japheth tooks sum cloethz n put dem on Noah cuz he wuz drunkz. They clozd ther eyez so they not sawn his peen n othr nekidness.
24 So Noah wakez up wif teh hangzover n he noes dat Ham shudda cut him offa teh grapez
25 So liek Noah sez:
“Canaan iz teh stoopid;
He iz a noob of noobz
And liek evrywun pwns him. evn teh fat kid”
26 And he sez:
“Teh Ceiling Cat pwns,
Teh Ceiling Cat taht lieks Shem,
And Shem pwns Canaan.
27 Teh Ceiling Cat lieks Japheth,
He kin be in Shemz tentz,
subjigaeting hiz mans.”
28 So liek Noah keep livn three hunderd n fifty years after teh waterz goez away
29 So Noah becumz ded whenz he be OMG WTF 950???, wowzors but hez ded nao
DIS IZ TEH LOL NU TESTMENT REEDING
ROMENZ 2-
Ceiling Cat has teh Judjements
1 So! Yu no has xcuse for judjing ppls becuz u do dat same stuff too.2 We knows teh Ceiling Cat judjes us wif truth,3 But if we ses sumwon iz bad, an we doz teh same stuff too, den u think Ceiling Cat no can judje u?4 Dun u no teh Ceiling Cat givs yu cookies so u no do bad stuffs nemore?
5 K, yu iz stuburn, an u makes Ceiling Cat mads.6 An yur gonna "get wut yu deserv." It ses dat in teh skripchurs.7 If yu wants gud stuff u can has!8 But if u wants ebil stuff, u can has anger from teh Ceiling Cat.9 If u dose bad stuff u gonna git 'n truble,10 Thers cookies an cheezburgrs if u dose gud an dosnt mattr hoo yu ar.11 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat r fare to evrwon.
12 If u dun kno teh rulez, wen u die den u not judje by teh rulez. But wen u can knos teh rulez an u still has teh invisible errors, yu can has judjemnt by teh rulz.13 Cuz Ceiling Cat ses u haf to obey to b gud.14 (Sumtims peepul hoo dun kno teh rulz dose gud stuff NEwai15 cuz dey kno wats rite in ther harts.)16 So yeh, wun day Ceiling Cat r judje yu, kthx.
Teh Joos an teh Rulez
17 K, if yu be joos, u no teh rulez.18 An yu no wat teh Ceiling Cat want becuz of teh rulez.19 Yu want to halp teh ppls hoo ar lost an yu can be a flashlite if thy ar in teh dark.20 Cuz u knows teh rulez yu think u can teech evrbdy abowt teh wai of teh Ceiling Cat.
21 Wy for dose yu teech utter ppls but yu no teech self? Yu ses ppls cant steel then yu go steels.22 Yu say teh idolz r bad an thn u gose in teh idolses tempelses.23 Yu so prwd of teh rulz yu kno an u still brakes them.24 Thas why teh old skripchurs sai "Yu maeks teh un-joos blasfeem teh Ceiling Cat."
25 If yu onlee follows part uf teh rulez, u no bettr than them.26 An if they follows teh rulz bettr than yu, u thinks teh Ceiling Cat wont call them his peepol?27 They r betr than u, k?28 Yu rnt speshul jus cuz ur born jooish.29 Ur speshul if yu luv teh Ceiling Cat in yur hart.
ROMENZ 2-
Ceiling Cat has teh Judjements
1 So! Yu no has xcuse for judjing ppls becuz u do dat same stuff too.2 We knows teh Ceiling Cat judjes us wif truth,3 But if we ses sumwon iz bad, an we doz teh same stuff too, den u think Ceiling Cat no can judje u?4 Dun u no teh Ceiling Cat givs yu cookies so u no do bad stuffs nemore?
5 K, yu iz stuburn, an u makes Ceiling Cat mads.6 An yur gonna "get wut yu deserv." It ses dat in teh skripchurs.7 If yu wants gud stuff u can has!8 But if u wants ebil stuff, u can has anger from teh Ceiling Cat.9 If u dose bad stuff u gonna git 'n truble,10 Thers cookies an cheezburgrs if u dose gud an dosnt mattr hoo yu ar.11 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat r fare to evrwon.
12 If u dun kno teh rulez, wen u die den u not judje by teh rulez. But wen u can knos teh rulez an u still has teh invisible errors, yu can has judjemnt by teh rulz.13 Cuz Ceiling Cat ses u haf to obey to b gud.14 (Sumtims peepul hoo dun kno teh rulz dose gud stuff NEwai15 cuz dey kno wats rite in ther harts.)16 So yeh, wun day Ceiling Cat r judje yu, kthx.
Teh Joos an teh Rulez
17 K, if yu be joos, u no teh rulez.18 An yu no wat teh Ceiling Cat want becuz of teh rulez.19 Yu want to halp teh ppls hoo ar lost an yu can be a flashlite if thy ar in teh dark.20 Cuz u knows teh rulez yu think u can teech evrbdy abowt teh wai of teh Ceiling Cat.
21 Wy for dose yu teech utter ppls but yu no teech self? Yu ses ppls cant steel then yu go steels.22 Yu say teh idolz r bad an thn u gose in teh idolses tempelses.23 Yu so prwd of teh rulz yu kno an u still brakes them.24 Thas why teh old skripchurs sai "Yu maeks teh un-joos blasfeem teh Ceiling Cat."
25 If yu onlee follows part uf teh rulez, u no bettr than them.26 An if they follows teh rulz bettr than yu, u thinks teh Ceiling Cat wont call them his peepol?27 They r betr than u, k?28 Yu rnt speshul jus cuz ur born jooish.29 Ur speshul if yu luv teh Ceiling Cat in yur hart.
DIS IZ TEH LOL GOSPELL UV DE LORD
MARK 3-
Jesus w0rkz even on Caturday
1 An so Jesus goed in teh church an a kitteh wuz there an teh kitteh haz difectiv pawz!
2 An every1 wacht him to see if he wud pwn on caturday cuz kittehs r suposed to haz teh sleepz on caturday an every1 in teh church want to no if Jesus wud brake hiz own rulez.
3 An so he sed to teh difectiv kitteh "i no ur paw hurtz, lolz, but get over to me newayz."
4 An then Jesus sed "Hay guise, y do u think itz beter to do no w0rkz and leeve this kitteh to hurt thn to do teh w0rkz and mak this kitteh not b ded?" An the guise in church, they sed nothingz.
5 An so Jesus was mad at teh guise and wanted to pwn them cuz they were actin like n00bs but then Jesus sed to teh hurt kitteh "Hay, giv ur paw to me plz" an teh hurt kitteh did it an then hiz paw waznt difective no morez!
6 An then those guise left frm teh church an tawked to teh other bad guise and were all lyke "omgwtf, jesus needz 2 b pwned."
7 But Jesus, hes no n00b, he already took hiz frendz an went to teh oshun an all teh good kittehs frm Galilee an Judaea
8 an Jeroosalum an Idumaea an Jordan an Tyre and Sidon an outer space, they ALL were like "OMG! Jesus pwns so much, srsly! We haz to go and pwn with Jesus!"
9 An so Jesus sed "Hay guise, I haz to go on a boat now cuz these other guise r nice nice kittehs an all but there r too many of themz an i need a getaway car, lolz."
10 Cuz Jesus had pwned all over teh place an he pwned so much that all teh kittehs want to tuch Jesus and all these kittehs had teh dizeazez, gross.
11 An these guise who usd to b bad guise were all falin down cuz mayb tey don no how to walk, these guise were lyke "Jesus, u r son of Ceiling Cat!"
12 An Jesus waz lyke "Hay guise, stop tellin bout me so loud cuz im tryin to hide, srsly."
Jesus goez up teh mountainz an playz teh Name Game
13 An so Jesus was lyke "Im gona clime tis mountain lyke iz nothin an u guise can clime it 2 if i tell u, kthxbai."
14 An so he said eeny meeny miney moe an picked 12 kittehs to com up an lern all teh thingz an tehn Jesus wuz like "hay thx 4 comin, now go bak down teh big hill an tell evry1 wut i said, kthxbai."
15 Tehn Jesus sed "Oh hay wate, u guise can pwn a little bit, jus mak teh kittehs wif harebalz feel betr an if u see devilcats, u make them go way, kthxbai."
16 An he wuz like "Hay Simon, ur new name iz Peter"
17 An tehn he wuz like hay, this is fun, letz play teh name game, lolz. "James, ur son of Zebedee and John ur bruthur of James so u can hav name of Boanerges an that meens u r teh sunz of THUNDER, b00mz, lol, lyke Thor exept not cuz we don beleeve in those guise."
18 An he lyked teh name game an kept playin it, sayin "Hay Andrew an Philip and Bartholomew (mew, lolz) an Matthew an Thomas an James--not teh furst James, teh son of Alphaeus--an Thaddeus an Simon--not teh furst Simon, the Canaanite
19 O an Judas Iscariot, ur the one who acted like a n00b an betraied me tat one tyme but ur still invyted 2 mai howse, kthx."
Jesus can haz partee now?
20 An Jesus an teh dicyplez, tey had a partee but wuz not a fun partee cuz there wuz too many kittehs an no fud in the fud dish an nobudy cud get 2 teh fudz anyway cuz it was so crowdid.
21 An all hiz frends, they were lyke "Jesus, srsly, ur lozing ur mind, wtf are u havin a partee 4."
22 An the scribes, they wer comin frm Jeroosalem an they were like "Jesus, srsly, u gotz teh devilz in u, u betr fix it quick, kthx."
23 An Jesus was like "Hay guise, srsly, if I haz teh devilz in me how u think I can pwn maiself, r u nuts?"
24 An Jesus was like "K, srsly agen, if u guise cant agree on if i am a good kitteh or a devil kitteh u cant make a very gud kingdum can u?"
25 An tehn Jesus wuz like "An srsly yet agen, if all teh kittehs in one howse are lyke hay i want fish and teh other kittehs are lyke no i wan chickenz then their howse cannt stand cuz all teh kittehs will tere it down, srsly, don do taht, kthx."
26 An then Jesus wuz lyke "An if teh devilz like tryed to pwn himself he wud be ded, lolz."
27 "An so if ur a good kitteh and a bad kitteh tryes to com to ur hows and pwn you, teh bad kitteh has to tie u up furst cuz thats teh only wai u wud let teh bad bad kitteh pwn ur stuffz."
28 "An so herez teh thingz, if ur a bad bad kitteh to anothr kitteh an say bad thingz abowt teh kitteh u can stil be frendz wit me an Ceiling Cat, if ur vry vry sry."
29 "An but if ur lyke a bad bad kitteh an u say teh bad thingz about mai frend teh Hovr Cat (wooooooo, lolz i skared u, skaredy kitteh lolz), if u say teh bad thingz abowt teh Hovr Cat, u will be pwnd and pwnd and pwnd 4EVER, even if u say ur sry, so don be bad to teh Hovr Cat, kthx."
30 An so all tehze kittehs were lyke hay, srsly, Jesus is loozin it.
31 An so hiz brutherz an even his mom they cam 2 see Jesus (an u no ur in deep truble when ur mom haz to com talk at u) an they were lyke "Jesus, srsly, wtf is ur problem."
32 An all teh other kittehs were lyke "Aww, Jesus ur in trubble, ur mom iz here, lolz."
33 An Jesus wuz lyke "wtf r u guise even sayin to me"
34 An Jesus was lukin at every1 (which wuz creepy but wat can u do, iz Jesus)and all tryin to see wtf those guise were sayin to him an tehn he sed "omg, srsly, look evry1! My mom an brutherz, they came to mai partee! lolz!"
35 An jus incas evry1 was not teh unrstand, Jesus sed "if u obay teh Ceiling Cat, iz jus lyke ur my bruther or sistur or even mai mom, lolz. Cuz Ceiling Cat is my dad and ur dad and we r all famlee, lolz, srsly."
MARK 3-
Jesus w0rkz even on Caturday
1 An so Jesus goed in teh church an a kitteh wuz there an teh kitteh haz difectiv pawz!
2 An every1 wacht him to see if he wud pwn on caturday cuz kittehs r suposed to haz teh sleepz on caturday an every1 in teh church want to no if Jesus wud brake hiz own rulez.
3 An so he sed to teh difectiv kitteh "i no ur paw hurtz, lolz, but get over to me newayz."
4 An then Jesus sed "Hay guise, y do u think itz beter to do no w0rkz and leeve this kitteh to hurt thn to do teh w0rkz and mak this kitteh not b ded?" An the guise in church, they sed nothingz.
5 An so Jesus was mad at teh guise and wanted to pwn them cuz they were actin like n00bs but then Jesus sed to teh hurt kitteh "Hay, giv ur paw to me plz" an teh hurt kitteh did it an then hiz paw waznt difective no morez!
6 An then those guise left frm teh church an tawked to teh other bad guise and were all lyke "omgwtf, jesus needz 2 b pwned."
7 But Jesus, hes no n00b, he already took hiz frendz an went to teh oshun an all teh good kittehs frm Galilee an Judaea
8 an Jeroosalum an Idumaea an Jordan an Tyre and Sidon an outer space, they ALL were like "OMG! Jesus pwns so much, srsly! We haz to go and pwn with Jesus!"
9 An so Jesus sed "Hay guise, I haz to go on a boat now cuz these other guise r nice nice kittehs an all but there r too many of themz an i need a getaway car, lolz."
10 Cuz Jesus had pwned all over teh place an he pwned so much that all teh kittehs want to tuch Jesus and all these kittehs had teh dizeazez, gross.
11 An these guise who usd to b bad guise were all falin down cuz mayb tey don no how to walk, these guise were lyke "Jesus, u r son of Ceiling Cat!"
12 An Jesus waz lyke "Hay guise, stop tellin bout me so loud cuz im tryin to hide, srsly."
Jesus goez up teh mountainz an playz teh Name Game
13 An so Jesus was lyke "Im gona clime tis mountain lyke iz nothin an u guise can clime it 2 if i tell u, kthxbai."
14 An so he said eeny meeny miney moe an picked 12 kittehs to com up an lern all teh thingz an tehn Jesus wuz like "hay thx 4 comin, now go bak down teh big hill an tell evry1 wut i said, kthxbai."
15 Tehn Jesus sed "Oh hay wate, u guise can pwn a little bit, jus mak teh kittehs wif harebalz feel betr an if u see devilcats, u make them go way, kthxbai."
16 An he wuz like "Hay Simon, ur new name iz Peter"
17 An tehn he wuz like hay, this is fun, letz play teh name game, lolz. "James, ur son of Zebedee and John ur bruthur of James so u can hav name of Boanerges an that meens u r teh sunz of THUNDER, b00mz, lol, lyke Thor exept not cuz we don beleeve in those guise."
18 An he lyked teh name game an kept playin it, sayin "Hay Andrew an Philip and Bartholomew (mew, lolz) an Matthew an Thomas an James--not teh furst James, teh son of Alphaeus--an Thaddeus an Simon--not teh furst Simon, the Canaanite
19 O an Judas Iscariot, ur the one who acted like a n00b an betraied me tat one tyme but ur still invyted 2 mai howse, kthx."
Jesus can haz partee now?
20 An Jesus an teh dicyplez, tey had a partee but wuz not a fun partee cuz there wuz too many kittehs an no fud in the fud dish an nobudy cud get 2 teh fudz anyway cuz it was so crowdid.
21 An all hiz frends, they were lyke "Jesus, srsly, ur lozing ur mind, wtf are u havin a partee 4."
22 An the scribes, they wer comin frm Jeroosalem an they were like "Jesus, srsly, u gotz teh devilz in u, u betr fix it quick, kthx."
23 An Jesus was like "Hay guise, srsly, if I haz teh devilz in me how u think I can pwn maiself, r u nuts?"
24 An Jesus was like "K, srsly agen, if u guise cant agree on if i am a good kitteh or a devil kitteh u cant make a very gud kingdum can u?"
25 An tehn Jesus wuz like "An srsly yet agen, if all teh kittehs in one howse are lyke hay i want fish and teh other kittehs are lyke no i wan chickenz then their howse cannt stand cuz all teh kittehs will tere it down, srsly, don do taht, kthx."
26 An then Jesus wuz lyke "An if teh devilz like tryed to pwn himself he wud be ded, lolz."
27 "An so if ur a good kitteh and a bad kitteh tryes to com to ur hows and pwn you, teh bad kitteh has to tie u up furst cuz thats teh only wai u wud let teh bad bad kitteh pwn ur stuffz."
28 "An so herez teh thingz, if ur a bad bad kitteh to anothr kitteh an say bad thingz abowt teh kitteh u can stil be frendz wit me an Ceiling Cat, if ur vry vry sry."
29 "An but if ur lyke a bad bad kitteh an u say teh bad thingz about mai frend teh Hovr Cat (wooooooo, lolz i skared u, skaredy kitteh lolz), if u say teh bad thingz abowt teh Hovr Cat, u will be pwnd and pwnd and pwnd 4EVER, even if u say ur sry, so don be bad to teh Hovr Cat, kthx."
30 An so all tehze kittehs were lyke hay, srsly, Jesus is loozin it.
31 An so hiz brutherz an even his mom they cam 2 see Jesus (an u no ur in deep truble when ur mom haz to com talk at u) an they were lyke "Jesus, srsly, wtf is ur problem."
32 An all teh other kittehs were lyke "Aww, Jesus ur in trubble, ur mom iz here, lolz."
33 An Jesus wuz lyke "wtf r u guise even sayin to me"
34 An Jesus was lukin at every1 (which wuz creepy but wat can u do, iz Jesus)and all tryin to see wtf those guise were sayin to him an tehn he sed "omg, srsly, look evry1! My mom an brutherz, they came to mai partee! lolz!"
35 An jus incas evry1 was not teh unrstand, Jesus sed "if u obay teh Ceiling Cat, iz jus lyke ur my bruther or sistur or even mai mom, lolz. Cuz Ceiling Cat is my dad and ur dad and we r all famlee, lolz, srsly."
