pansypoo's personal rant page.

THE BEGINNING

i'm gonna do this in lumps. i can bear this part. in 2000, before georgie and 9/11 and hell, in june, my cousin and i sped to Clinton, IA to do an art show, sarah neeeeeds sleep and she doesn't wake so well, got up around 4:30 and left as soon as possible. AAA gave me maps, offered and triptics. showed construction. fuck the I. i made a straight route on state hwys. said it would take 5 hours. i got there in about 3 1/2 or so. yeah baby. i was speeding and we saw lots of wildlife! pheasants!and deer. no traffic. it was like my own little lemanz. oh, and i was driving my beloved 93' delta 88. yeah, i could fit it all in that car.
i had my cat watercolors at that show. yes. i will have farmer/HD post them as well. it was a beautiful day. right along the mississippi, but we were behind grass covered levee. we looked towards a bandshell and there were live acts all day. i actually found the program for that year in my grandma's hoard. i took it with me when i visited keith in 04'.
well, my cousin sarah goes off to see the pottery across the eisle and she is talkig to this very tall man. my instant thought was, boy he woulda been a perfect man for her. she's 6'1" by the way. i am 5'51/2". when i had time i went to look at his pots. oh, lovely and very affordable! but i had to go back.
later in the day, i stopped over again and i talked to the tall man. showed him my little brag book. or was that after he came by and we talked cats. like why do women like them. i said because they look deep into our eyes. and they are not hard work like dogs.
i really liked him from the 1st. nice man. he bought my sap green pansy print. i bought a vase from him and 2 tiles. or did we barter? i like barter. haven't done as much in the bush economy.
it was a very long show. set up at 9. ends at 6. oh, and train tracks right behind the port-o-potties. now that is ishy.


that was how i met keithie boy. sweet keithie boy. at this time he must have been married. sigh. he sold all the platters before i could buy one. he always sold very well.

pansypoo still crying.
to find a pearl as Keith, so rare, so wonderful only have it die. before....god.
whoo hoo, that poem sucks. to love and lose it? that's better? no fucking way. not losing it.

i don't think i can tell our story. yet.
i don't want to weep again.

i almost wish i was stupid and a typical american. it would be easy. but i am not.
i don't like bars. detest shopping. don't go out and 'do' stuff. i am always barefoot. hate makeup.
sigh.
keith was THAT rare.

that's all pansypoo can think. pansypoo is terribly sad. heart sick. pansypoo was passionately in love with her iowa keithie boy. every 6'11" inch of him. and she had nothing but roadblocks in showing how much she cared for him. he may have loved he, but after summer he slipped into his funk. and heartsick, he slipped away.
did i say he lost his sister at 50 years a few years ago? and now all his parents have is their grandkids. i hope the 3 of them treat them as they should. and i fell in love with them too.
a love unfulfilled. interupted by fate. how does a barefooting politics history pendantic deep person find another soul mate? shit. had to go to iowa to find keith? where the fuck to i find anybody as compatible as keith?
how??? who would love this complicated ball of boring?

what i need to remember about Keith
his lttle socks that he wore. and his gorgeous feet, his gorgeous ankles. his hands. his beautiful eyes. his silly obsession with fixing his do. he spent more time on his hair than i did. he liked my feet. my dirty sole barefooting feet.
how fucking hot he looked in a too short T-shirt and undies.
how he touched me, physically and my soul.
how i made him smile.
he called me princess. most of all that he loved me. and that i loved him.
but God, you fucking OWE me. you OWE me.

things go on.

but not now.

112? Bush weeks to go
112? Bush weeks to gp
georgie in a blue dress blue dress blue dress on
going to vietnam he finally believes that one 'we' won
112? Bush weeks to go

i don't know how i can deal with this. how, how do i do......i got a letter from Keith's mom. he died on Nov 4.
they lost both of their babies. both too too too young. i lost my love. before the magic could begin.

what the fuck is God trying to do to me? is this what i get for a fucking dem win???

now what? how do i find anyone as perfect as keith?

his poor parents. i just hope the grandchildren treat them right.

RANDOM NATURE POST

we have 'ivy' growing on the garage and backyard.used to be on the house as well. the ivy has berries. and at a certain point, the berries ferment and starlings proceed to attack in droves.
it starling time. it was amazing to listen to them when there were vines on the chimney.
cosmo and pansy would go nuts then.
think about Hitchcock's 'The Birds'.