pansypoo's personal rant page.

DIS IZ TEH LOL GOSPELL OF TEH LORD

Mark 4- v.1-22

Jesus haz teh storee tymes
1 An so Jesus luvd teh oshunfront properteez an he wen thar to teech teh guise about thingz an ther were so many guise there that Jesus was like "lolz, too menny guise on teh beech, gtg teech on a boat frm teh oshun, an u guise can lissen frm the beech wich is a pretty sweete deal if u ask me."
2 An so he toght them teh lessunz but it wuz those lessunz that were akshully about one thingz even tho Jesus sed the otherz an u had to figur it out urself, wich is hard to do, and he sed:
3 "O hai, so once thar waz a planter gui;
4 An he wuz plantin hiz gardenz an sum of teh seedz got in teh rong playce an the birdz, they cam to eet teh seedz
5 An som of teh seedz they got put on teh roks wich is a dum plaice to plant teh seedz cuz thars no dirt there but teh seedz they groo up newayz
6 An tehn teh sun it came up an teh seedz grone on teh roks, they got pwned bai teh sun cuz sun is too hot 4 teh plantz
7 An some othur seedz, they got put bai teh plantz with teh skary spiky th0rnz an teh th0rnz sux0rx cuz they sckweeze teh plants to ded and teh plantz make no frootz.
8 An sum other seedz they got in teh good dirtz an they groo and groo and mayde teh frootz an made like bazilyunz of frootz."
9 An so Jesus sed "Did u here that guise? Or r u guise def?"
10 An hiz 12 frends, latr that dai were lyke "O hai Jesus, wtf were you even saying in the boat?"
11 An Jesus sed "Hay, u guise are sposed to no wat i was talkn about cuz u hav teh mistery solving skillz, ur lyke sherlok homes an stuff, but those othr guise, the ones on teh beech, they don no teh mistery stuffz so they has to lissen to mai storeez and figur it out themsalvez, lolz."
12 So they can lookz at teh thingz and no wat color those thingz r but not no what it iz an they can here mai wurds and no what teh wurdz r but not get what ahm sayin, but if they r like "o hai Jesus an Ceiling Cat, we r vry sry for bein dum, we can haz halp?" then they can undrstand mai storeez.
13 An Jesus was like "So guise what ahm sayin is if u don no how to undrstand mai storee about teh planterz then u don know much of nething. So I halpz u guise so u stop bein dum."
14 "Teh. Planterz. Wuz. Plantin. Mai. An. Ceiling. Cats. Wurdz.
15 An so teh seedz were rilly mai an Ceiling Cats wurdz an sumtimes teh devilcat, hez lyke teh burdz in teh storee who takes teh stray seedz awai.
16 An tehn there r teh guise who hav teh stonz 4 grownd and mai w0rdz r sooper cool an they r like "omg, new seedz, these pwn, thx Jesus"
17 An but these guise r dum as roks and made of roks so they git excytid about mai wordz jus at furst an then as soone as they hav somethin go rong wit them they r all lyke "omg, Jesus, srsly, ur w0rdz sux0rz, they don w0rkz anymoar. thx but nothxbai."
18 An those seedz that git on teh skary th0rnz, those th0rnz guise here mai w0rdz
19 An they say "o hai jesus, this is nice but i lykes othur thingz like teh moneyz and teh buttsecks, sry" an mai w0rdz dont w0rkz 4 those guise.
20 An then there r good guise who r like "O hai Jesus, u pwn alwayz even wehn mai lyfe kinda sux0rz so lemme maike u sum frootz an u can hav it for dinnerz, lolz."
21 An then Jesus sed "If you haz candel do u put it under a bukkit or under ur bedz? no thats silly, u has to put it on candelstik, rite?
22 An u cant hide nothin frm me or Celing Cat cuz we seez all ur sekritz an moar, lolz, u no how Celing Cat seez u doin things, rotflolz."

go en peas, survz teh lord.