Sunday, January 27, 2008
THIS IZ LOL NU TESTMENT REEDING
AX 7
1 Den teh high preest axed him, "Iz true?" (How cum PREEST kan gets HIGH?)
2 An Steevn sayded: "Yo bros and papas, peep dis. Teh Ceiling Cat appearded to owr old man Abrahamsammich wen he wuz in teh Messed-up Tamia, befor he mooved to Haran.3 'Leaf yur contry an pplz an stufs,' Ceiling Cat sed, 'an go over heer.'
4 "So he hopped teh nex trane to Haran. Afta hiz pops wer made ded, Ceiling Cat sended him to dis plase we at rite now.5 He didnt gave Abrahamsammich ne munneys or lands. But Ceiling Cat swored dat his baybeez wud pwn teh hole shebang, evin tho Abrahamsammich had no baybeez. (WTF?!)6 Ceiling Cat sed: 'Yur baybeez will bee teh NOT WANT uf teh contry, an dey will bee slavs an treeted in NOT GOOD wayz. Oh, an dats how it gonna bee for forty yeers times ten!7 But I wills pwn teh nayshun taht maks dem slavs, so no biggie. An afta dat, dey will leev dat nashun an come wurship Me in dis playce rite heer.'8 Den teh Ceiling Cat gived Abrahamsammich teh convent uf circlestishun. An Abrahamsammich had a baybee an circlestized him eight daze ltr. Teh baybee was Izack, an Izack had a baybee namd Jaycub, an Jaycub had twelv baybeez hoo became teh paytreearks.
9 "An cuz teh paytreearks wuz jellus uf Joesef, dey selled him too Ejipped for teh slaving. But Ceiling Cat had Joesef's back10 an saveded him frum his trubbles. He gived Joesef wizdum (but NO SPEARAMINT!) so teh Ejippeds king Fairoh wud be liek: 'Rule my Ejippeds an my stufs.'
11 "An den teh hungree-time came to teh Ejipped an Caynan, wif teh suffring and teh no fud.12 Wen Jaycub herd dat der wuz fuds in Ejipped, he told owr papas teh paytreearks 'DO WANT!' Dey vizit Ejipped.13 Den dey vizits agen an Joesef sez 'I iz yur bro-hemes,' an he telled Fairoh 'bout hiz famleez.14 An Joesef say 'Breeng Jaycub an hole famleez heer!' an all seventee plus five show up.15 Den Jaycub an owr papas livd in Ejipped until dey wer made ded.16 Ther deded boddees wer put in a toomb taht Abrahamsammich had bawted frum teh Hamor baybeez at teh Shechem.
17 "So wile it getting clos to time fer Ceiling Cat to keep bargin wif Abrahamsammich, der wuz getting moar an moar uf owr peeps in Ejipped.18 Den teh Fairoh wents away an Ejipped gots anuthr king hoo did knot no Joesef.19 He wuz a meenie an made owr forepapas throw owt der baybeez to make dem ded.
20 An Mozus wuz baybee at dat time an he waznt liek teh rest of teh childs. He livd wif his papa for three munths21 befor he wuz put outside to make ded, but teh new Fairoh's dawter fownd him an razed him as her own baybee.22 Mozus wuz learnded by the Ejipped ppl an wuz gud at teh speeching an doing.
23 "Wen Mozus was four timez ten yeerz old, he went too vizit hiz peeps.24 He sawded one uf dem beeng pwnd by an Ejippedshun, so he maed teh Ejipped man ded.25 Mozus thawt dat hiz fello Izreelites wud see dat Ceiling Cat wuz uzing him to be helping dem, but it not happn.26 Teh nex day, he sees two Izreelites throwin down. He tryed to maek dem NOT WANT bi saying: 'U two r bro-hemes. Y do u want to pwn eech othur? Hugz time now?'
27 "But teh one guy sez to Mozus: 'Yur knot teh boss uf me!28 Do u wanna pwn me liek u pwnd taht Ejipped dood yesturday?'29 Wen Mozus hearded dis, he DID NOT WANT an mooved to Mideean an had two boi baybeez.
30 "Afta for timez ten yeers passded, Mozus wuz in teh dessert neer Mownt Sinus an sawed a baybee tree on teh firez! Wif ainjel in it!31 'ZOMG!' seded Mozus. He lukd kloser an hurd teh voys uf teh Ceiling Cat:32 'I iz teh Ceiling Cat uf yur daddiez, teh Ceiling Cat of Abrahamsammich, Izak, an Jaycub.' Mozus wuz ascared and atremblin. He no look.
33 "Teh Ceiling Cat sed to him, 'Taek off yur skandals! Yur standin on mah hole ground!34 I haz seen teh pwning uf mah ppl in teh Ejipped. I haz hurd thur DO NOT WANT and haz cum down to sets dem free. Go bak to Ejipped now. kthnksbai.'
35 "Dis be teh same Mozus hoo dey rejektud wif da werdz: 'You knot boss uf me!' Ceiling Cat sent him to bee thur roolur throo teh ainjel in teh baybee tree on teh firez.36 He leeded dem owt of Ejipped an did teh majix in teh Ejipped an maed teh red watter moov thing happn, an for for timez ten yeers in teh dessert.
37 "Dis is teh Mozus hoo told teh Izreelites: 'Ceiling Cat wil sended u a profit liek me frum yur own ppls.'38 Him wuz in teh assembleez in teh dessert, wif teh ainjel taht tawk too hims on teh Mownt Sinus, an wif r papas; An he sended us wurds dat wer alive! (EW!)
AX 7
1 Den teh high preest axed him, "Iz true?" (How cum PREEST kan gets HIGH?)
2 An Steevn sayded: "Yo bros and papas, peep dis. Teh Ceiling Cat appearded to owr old man Abrahamsammich wen he wuz in teh Messed-up Tamia, befor he mooved to Haran.3 'Leaf yur contry an pplz an stufs,' Ceiling Cat sed, 'an go over heer.'
4 "So he hopped teh nex trane to Haran. Afta hiz pops wer made ded, Ceiling Cat sended him to dis plase we at rite now.5 He didnt gave Abrahamsammich ne munneys or lands. But Ceiling Cat swored dat his baybeez wud pwn teh hole shebang, evin tho Abrahamsammich had no baybeez. (WTF?!)6 Ceiling Cat sed: 'Yur baybeez will bee teh NOT WANT uf teh contry, an dey will bee slavs an treeted in NOT GOOD wayz. Oh, an dats how it gonna bee for forty yeers times ten!7 But I wills pwn teh nayshun taht maks dem slavs, so no biggie. An afta dat, dey will leev dat nashun an come wurship Me in dis playce rite heer.'8 Den teh Ceiling Cat gived Abrahamsammich teh convent uf circlestishun. An Abrahamsammich had a baybee an circlestized him eight daze ltr. Teh baybee was Izack, an Izack had a baybee namd Jaycub, an Jaycub had twelv baybeez hoo became teh paytreearks.
9 "An cuz teh paytreearks wuz jellus uf Joesef, dey selled him too Ejipped for teh slaving. But Ceiling Cat had Joesef's back10 an saveded him frum his trubbles. He gived Joesef wizdum (but NO SPEARAMINT!) so teh Ejippeds king Fairoh wud be liek: 'Rule my Ejippeds an my stufs.'
11 "An den teh hungree-time came to teh Ejipped an Caynan, wif teh suffring and teh no fud.12 Wen Jaycub herd dat der wuz fuds in Ejipped, he told owr papas teh paytreearks 'DO WANT!' Dey vizit Ejipped.13 Den dey vizits agen an Joesef sez 'I iz yur bro-hemes,' an he telled Fairoh 'bout hiz famleez.14 An Joesef say 'Breeng Jaycub an hole famleez heer!' an all seventee plus five show up.15 Den Jaycub an owr papas livd in Ejipped until dey wer made ded.16 Ther deded boddees wer put in a toomb taht Abrahamsammich had bawted frum teh Hamor baybeez at teh Shechem.
17 "So wile it getting clos to time fer Ceiling Cat to keep bargin wif Abrahamsammich, der wuz getting moar an moar uf owr peeps in Ejipped.18 Den teh Fairoh wents away an Ejipped gots anuthr king hoo did knot no Joesef.19 He wuz a meenie an made owr forepapas throw owt der baybeez to make dem ded.
20 An Mozus wuz baybee at dat time an he waznt liek teh rest of teh childs. He livd wif his papa for three munths21 befor he wuz put outside to make ded, but teh new Fairoh's dawter fownd him an razed him as her own baybee.22 Mozus wuz learnded by the Ejipped ppl an wuz gud at teh speeching an doing.
23 "Wen Mozus was four timez ten yeerz old, he went too vizit hiz peeps.24 He sawded one uf dem beeng pwnd by an Ejippedshun, so he maed teh Ejipped man ded.25 Mozus thawt dat hiz fello Izreelites wud see dat Ceiling Cat wuz uzing him to be helping dem, but it not happn.26 Teh nex day, he sees two Izreelites throwin down. He tryed to maek dem NOT WANT bi saying: 'U two r bro-hemes. Y do u want to pwn eech othur? Hugz time now?'
27 "But teh one guy sez to Mozus: 'Yur knot teh boss uf me!28 Do u wanna pwn me liek u pwnd taht Ejipped dood yesturday?'29 Wen Mozus hearded dis, he DID NOT WANT an mooved to Mideean an had two boi baybeez.
30 "Afta for timez ten yeers passded, Mozus wuz in teh dessert neer Mownt Sinus an sawed a baybee tree on teh firez! Wif ainjel in it!31 'ZOMG!' seded Mozus. He lukd kloser an hurd teh voys uf teh Ceiling Cat:32 'I iz teh Ceiling Cat uf yur daddiez, teh Ceiling Cat of Abrahamsammich, Izak, an Jaycub.' Mozus wuz ascared and atremblin. He no look.
33 "Teh Ceiling Cat sed to him, 'Taek off yur skandals! Yur standin on mah hole ground!34 I haz seen teh pwning uf mah ppl in teh Ejipped. I haz hurd thur DO NOT WANT and haz cum down to sets dem free. Go bak to Ejipped now. kthnksbai.'
35 "Dis be teh same Mozus hoo dey rejektud wif da werdz: 'You knot boss uf me!' Ceiling Cat sent him to bee thur roolur throo teh ainjel in teh baybee tree on teh firez.36 He leeded dem owt of Ejipped an did teh majix in teh Ejipped an maed teh red watter moov thing happn, an for for timez ten yeers in teh dessert.
37 "Dis is teh Mozus hoo told teh Izreelites: 'Ceiling Cat wil sended u a profit liek me frum yur own ppls.'38 Him wuz in teh assembleez in teh dessert, wif teh ainjel taht tawk too hims on teh Mownt Sinus, an wif r papas; An he sended us wurds dat wer alive! (EW!)
