Monday, February 19, 2007
FRI LAST DAY IN DES MOINES
sigh. this will be the last time in his presence. little did i know. i would have hugged him. held on to him and not let go.
we had to get up early to get down to the train depot early. around 6 am. ugh. i am very quiet because i am leaving. he is quiet as well, but i had no idea why.
he tells me thins on the way down to osceola. where a friend of his died in a car accident. i liked the landscape.some snow remaining. the dawn sky. the color of the light.
get there on time and the TRAIN ISN"T GONNA BE THERE TIL 11! fuck. but then i have more time with him. no ammenities there really food wise, so we try and find a cafe or something in osceola and there was NOTHING. NADA. empty of any enterprise. so he drives back to this offensive casino on the highway. we are desperate. pretty much empty cavernous disgustiing. but they have a cafe with about a dozen or so hunters in blaze orange. keith shows another side i love. very anti hunt/animal murder. we have the buffet. he has a tone of scrambled eggs. i go for safe travel nosh. hash browns and bacon and oj. lots of bacon. and we have more time together which i did appreciate at the time. finsih niosh and go back to osceola. he has to be somewhere, so he can't stay tl 11, but he stays til about 10. we talk some more. i hug him one last time and he hugs me as he goes from behind the bench i am on and says 'i love you' and he goes. i felt so good i just had to absorb it. i knew i had to love him. i had to.
i took some pictures in the depot while i waited.
train finally shows up.
on the train i write another letter on railroad stuf i had, i recopy to mail. the landscape is quite plesent. of course i am gonna miss my hiawatha tran, but there is another by the time i get there.
i do NOT get as good food after getting there. i only get wendy's fries.
and from that moment i tried over and over to get back to see him. mainly after getting a letter from him. he took things all the wrong way and said it was over(he got like that because his ex and 2 post divorce women. he had a hard time believing i WAS what he thought i was. some of it was my fault. i realise that. but he was a stubborn kraut who prefered his good memories than try to have more.
he was afraid more than i was. i had faith. but he had far more loss than me.
so i guess that technically the story of keith.
pitiful isn't it.
but we were magic. it was a blessing we found each other.i and i guess i can say an amazing man loved me.
now i gotta find another because i need to 'replace' him. i need somebody to love me like he did. good fucking luck, eh?
not going to recount the phone calls we had after. one of his pissy mood calls. but i did DID say i loved him. and told him more than once.
and i wanna know why God took him away.
he owes me again.
sigh. this will be the last time in his presence. little did i know. i would have hugged him. held on to him and not let go.
we had to get up early to get down to the train depot early. around 6 am. ugh. i am very quiet because i am leaving. he is quiet as well, but i had no idea why.
he tells me thins on the way down to osceola. where a friend of his died in a car accident. i liked the landscape.some snow remaining. the dawn sky. the color of the light.
get there on time and the TRAIN ISN"T GONNA BE THERE TIL 11! fuck. but then i have more time with him. no ammenities there really food wise, so we try and find a cafe or something in osceola and there was NOTHING. NADA. empty of any enterprise. so he drives back to this offensive casino on the highway. we are desperate. pretty much empty cavernous disgustiing. but they have a cafe with about a dozen or so hunters in blaze orange. keith shows another side i love. very anti hunt/animal murder. we have the buffet. he has a tone of scrambled eggs. i go for safe travel nosh. hash browns and bacon and oj. lots of bacon. and we have more time together which i did appreciate at the time. finsih niosh and go back to osceola. he has to be somewhere, so he can't stay tl 11, but he stays til about 10. we talk some more. i hug him one last time and he hugs me as he goes from behind the bench i am on and says 'i love you' and he goes. i felt so good i just had to absorb it. i knew i had to love him. i had to.
i took some pictures in the depot while i waited.
train finally shows up.
on the train i write another letter on railroad stuf i had, i recopy to mail. the landscape is quite plesent. of course i am gonna miss my hiawatha tran, but there is another by the time i get there.
i do NOT get as good food after getting there. i only get wendy's fries.
and from that moment i tried over and over to get back to see him. mainly after getting a letter from him. he took things all the wrong way and said it was over(he got like that because his ex and 2 post divorce women. he had a hard time believing i WAS what he thought i was. some of it was my fault. i realise that. but he was a stubborn kraut who prefered his good memories than try to have more.
he was afraid more than i was. i had faith. but he had far more loss than me.
so i guess that technically the story of keith.
pitiful isn't it.
but we were magic. it was a blessing we found each other.i and i guess i can say an amazing man loved me.
now i gotta find another because i need to 'replace' him. i need somebody to love me like he did. good fucking luck, eh?
not going to recount the phone calls we had after. one of his pissy mood calls. but i did DID say i loved him. and told him more than once.
and i wanna know why God took him away.
he owes me again.
