Monday, December 25, 2006
once again xmas at the mother's side, reinforces that i don't fit in my family. i am an outsider. while i can give snark and tease just as hard as my uncles, i see, how it made me tough. i don't thinlk keith understood that. i tried to explain. that i came from teasers. i needed a think hide. i don't exactly fit into the paternal unit's side either. less of a missmatch tho. i think keith felt it in his family. being an artist among all the usual worker bees. i could feel that it made him less sure. even tho he was just as successful. and certainly happier. so, we were similar there too. and now he's gone. and it just hurts more. and i had to endure fucking radio and carols AGAIN. I told mom i couldn't takle them this year, but did they turn it fucking off??? NOOOO. more i just do NOT fit with them. they are not my 'people'. keith hated all the xmas crap too.
and how do i find someone who is so right? so perfect in so many ways. large and small.
oh damn. don't need this before sleep.
hmm. how change mood.
SQUIRREL! i finally have seeds again. and the feeder has been released, now that the squirrel menace can't get in. and there was a fluffy butt, eating the seeds. it helped a bit. no idea where the birds were.
the cats got fresh catnip for their present, but only pansy imbibed. the spares prefer dry. idiots. hit 2 different nip patches. it was balmy today. i hear it was about 50f. very weird.
i suppose reading aristotle in the EB should help too.
and i got to play with fire. i like fire. ok, i love fire. but but but paternal unit a firefighter, it's genetic. most FFs are latent pyromaniacs. and and and i never started any major fires.
ok, that might help.
and how do i find someone who is so right? so perfect in so many ways. large and small.
oh damn. don't need this before sleep.
hmm. how change mood.
SQUIRREL! i finally have seeds again. and the feeder has been released, now that the squirrel menace can't get in. and there was a fluffy butt, eating the seeds. it helped a bit. no idea where the birds were.
the cats got fresh catnip for their present, but only pansy imbibed. the spares prefer dry. idiots. hit 2 different nip patches. it was balmy today. i hear it was about 50f. very weird.
i suppose reading aristotle in the EB should help too.
and i got to play with fire. i like fire. ok, i love fire. but but but paternal unit a firefighter, it's genetic. most FFs are latent pyromaniacs. and and and i never started any major fires.
ok, that might help.
