pansypoo's personal rant page.

no, that wasn't the year i did green bay. my aunt and i drove up to green bay. i had asked him earlier why he didn't wear shorts? in baraboo. he had on shorts. oh my god did he have beautiful gams. i had a pad af stationary i started using to mail him. drawing of moose-i moose your smiling face and i would scratch out face and put knees. he had the woman hoovering behind him. and did i mention he was a woman magnet? i am a wallflower. i am invisible. this sex magnet likes me? i stayed quite a while. observed. bought. sigh. i sat on curb and he helped me up. i let him have my weight. and still he thought i was a vegetarian. i shook his hand the next year. he came over during a downpour. and he brouht over a pot we bartered, he got my giraffe(framed print). i was still shy in 02'.
i also visited him in baraboo aain. was that 02' or 03'. he actually said marriage. 'if you move to milwaukee'. i asked him if benedicte brings me to africa to come with me.
we were gonna do marquette together in 03' i think. but he ot pulled over speeding and he had an open beer abnd he had to stay in iowa. the year his sister died i believe. if only if only if only and it's killing me. if only i had been more forward, less shy, if only he had pushed me to to to.
if only.
i didn't listen to crappy diem.

through letters, on the page, we were so......compatible. phone calls. we liked similar music. books. politics. we could just talk. just talk.

and it's gone. i can never send him a love letter. i'll never get another call.

this is worse than when my grandfather/daddy died.
and i was only in his presence about 2 weeks.

god, this is crappy, but i don't spll my guts to people much and i could tell him everything.
so i do. i don't care if i am pestering him in heaven. price he fucking pays for leaving me.