Sunday, December 17, 2006
bad bad bad day. and they are right about absence making the heart fonder. i hadn't seen keith since last noveber and since i realised what i felt WAS love. and it increased to passion for him alone.
i know he loved me, but it was so comfortable. it felt so right, maybe it decieved me. in my mind i knew i should love him. he didn't have bad breath, no BO. he smelled good. i am cursed with a very sensative nose, heck, sensative everything. rarely did i not feel comfortable with him. companionable. it was always so right. i didn't care about him being SO tall, i didn't care about his age, didn't care about his not straight teeth. didn't even care he slurped his coffee, didn't even care that he was sensative to depressive, it HAD to be. it was going to happen this summer. he would know i felt as much for him as for me. he didn't have to worry i was sincere. and now that has been taken away and i don't know how i can find another brass ring as brilliant as he was.
shit. he wasn't into porn. strip joints appaled him. where do you find someone old-fashioned, yet modern? who's sweet, nice and everything he was? like that and like me as well?
i'm so afraid i won't ever find a companion to compare.
and i had been looking so forward to being his companion. and now i am left, full of all this love and nobody to give it to.
and i know his parents are hurting just as much.
and i want to send him more love letters and more cookies and i want to see him. and it's driving me mad. not better. and now george will can make fun of my stupid blog and my pitiful romance and my fucking wallowing.
but keith was my everything.
and i want my KHARMA.
pardon this. but i had to put it somewhere. maybe it will make me feel better.
i know he loved me, but it was so comfortable. it felt so right, maybe it decieved me. in my mind i knew i should love him. he didn't have bad breath, no BO. he smelled good. i am cursed with a very sensative nose, heck, sensative everything. rarely did i not feel comfortable with him. companionable. it was always so right. i didn't care about him being SO tall, i didn't care about his age, didn't care about his not straight teeth. didn't even care he slurped his coffee, didn't even care that he was sensative to depressive, it HAD to be. it was going to happen this summer. he would know i felt as much for him as for me. he didn't have to worry i was sincere. and now that has been taken away and i don't know how i can find another brass ring as brilliant as he was.
shit. he wasn't into porn. strip joints appaled him. where do you find someone old-fashioned, yet modern? who's sweet, nice and everything he was? like that and like me as well?
i'm so afraid i won't ever find a companion to compare.
and i had been looking so forward to being his companion. and now i am left, full of all this love and nobody to give it to.
and i know his parents are hurting just as much.
and i want to send him more love letters and more cookies and i want to see him. and it's driving me mad. not better. and now george will can make fun of my stupid blog and my pitiful romance and my fucking wallowing.
but keith was my everything.
and i want my KHARMA.
pardon this. but i had to put it somewhere. maybe it will make me feel better.
