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Sunday, April 16, 2017


Jugjez 7, verse 1-13

Gideon pwnz teh Midianites 
1 Earli in moarnin', Gideon n hiz min camfed wair spring o' Harrod wuz. Teh camf of Midian wuz noerth a dem in valli neer hill o' Moreh.2 Ceiling Cat sed "Gideon u haz 2 meny minz! Israel get all big-hedded if yu win liek dis!"3 "Enounze now 2 da pplz dat ne1 who iz scaerd can GTFO." So 22 thouzan lef and 10 thouzan stayed.
4 But den Ceiling Cat sez Gideon stil haz 2 meny minz. He told Gideon, "Take teh min down 2 watr and I will kick sum pplz out, kthx."
5 At watr, Ceiling Cat told Gideon, "seprate doz min dat lap water wif der tungs liek a kitty frum doz who neel down 2 drink."6 three handred min lapped wif der handz 2 der moufs. Teh rest got on der nees to drink.
7 Ceiling Cat told Gideon dat he wud keep teh three handred kitty-minz, and dat evr1 else G2G.8 So Gideon cent rest of Israeliets to der tents and kep three handred, who took ovr stuff dat de tented Israelites lef behind fer dem. Nao de camf o' Midian lae bilow him in da valli.9 In middle of nite, Ceiling Cat sed to Gideon, "Waek up, layzee bum. Go down aginst teh camf, bcuz ima give it ento yur hands.10 Ef yu are afeard 2 atak, go down to der camf wif yur servent Purah11 N pay close tenshun 2 wut dey ar saying. Den yu will b incouragd 2 atak teh camf. So Gideon do az Ceiling Cat sez n taek Purah wif him to outpostz of camf.12 All teh pplz der - Midianitez n Amalekitez, n udder estrn pplz - had settled in valli, thick az locuztz. Dey ran out of parkin spaecez 4 da camelz! lolz
13 Gideon errived jus az a min waz tellin' hiz frend a dreem. He sed, "I dreemt of a round lofe of bread that was reeli meen and nokked ovr mi tent."

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