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Friday, December 08, 2006

no, that wasn't the year i did green bay. my aunt and i drove up to green bay. i had asked him earlier why he didn't wear shorts? in baraboo. he had on shorts. oh my god did he have beautiful gams. i had a pad af stationary i started using to mail him. drawing of moose-i moose your smiling face and i would scratch out face and put knees. he had the woman hoovering behind him. and did i mention he was a woman magnet? i am a wallflower. i am invisible. this sex magnet likes me? i stayed quite a while. observed. bought. sigh. i sat on curb and he helped me up. i let him have my weight. and still he thought i was a vegetarian. i shook his hand the next year. he came over during a downpour. and he brouht over a pot we bartered, he got my giraffe(framed print). i was still shy in 02'.
i also visited him in baraboo aain. was that 02' or 03'. he actually said marriage. 'if you move to milwaukee'. i asked him if benedicte brings me to africa to come with me.
we were gonna do marquette together in 03' i think. but he ot pulled over speeding and he had an open beer abnd he had to stay in iowa. the year his sister died i believe. if only if only if only and it's killing me. if only i had been more forward, less shy, if only he had pushed me to to to.
if only.
i didn't listen to crappy diem.

through letters, on the page, we were so......compatible. phone calls. we liked similar music. books. politics. we could just talk. just talk.

and it's gone. i can never send him a love letter. i'll never get another call.

this is worse than when my grandfather/daddy died.
and i was only in his presence about 2 weeks.

god, this is crappy, but i don't spll my guts to people much and i could tell him everything.
so i do. i don't care if i am pestering him in heaven. price he fucking pays for leaving me.

sigh. i was stupid. i flipped channels during commercials and hit the new pride & predudice. a book i have read several times and relates too close to me and keith and dammit, i see a bit of him in the new 'darcy', but bingley's eyes were sloser to keith's. and god. been crying aain. for what didn't get to be and what we had.

i did clinton again the next year. no keith, that tall potter. oh darn. oh, i have his card, i will write him a letter and ask if he is gonna be in WI. and so i did. keith wrote me back. will be in baraboo and green bay. sarah and i drive up to baraboo. very nice day. she of course hugs him. i'm reserved. i sit and chat.
that was our 3rd meeting.
later, sarah says. he likes you.


i think that year if i remember riht. i am in the green bay show. i go and see his stuff. he comes over, but sarah said he likes me and i get horribly shy. i do shake his hand. he has such a big hand. and i am semi-proud of my handshake.

when did i start writting him and he back? i don't know, but i got to know him in letters, i of course sent way more. maybe that year he told me his youngest had cancer. at that time, because of that he had nice grey hair at the temples. i adore grey hair.
his son recovered and somewhere around then his marriage disolved. i suppose the latters came after the divorce.

God i miss him. it just isn't fair. not fucking fair.....

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


sybil was in front the puter room's doorway. guarding it. keeping pansy out. where there's a will, there's a way for pansy to make it to my nice warm lap. to bypass sybil, she jumped on a sweater laden box and made her way in.

i have to explain my puter set up. my blue i-mac sits on a crappy 80's teevee stand. in front of it are 2 early 70's crappy endtables. my 'desk'. so, sybil will be on the puter getting warm and basil will pick a fight. hard to read the puter of course. so they fight a bit til sybil gets off and basil gets on. pansy and cosmo would do the same thing. cosmo would pick a fight to get the chair pansy was in. i told sybil what he was doing, but she won't listen to me.

still broken hearted. just not fair he's gone and assholes like strom thurmond live to 100.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

110? weeks of Bush to go
110? weeks of Bush to go
Bolton, the walrus to skedaddle
Gates gives georgie's IWaq a losing paddle
110? weeks of Bush to go

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Keith part !!

in 2000. the same year as Clinton, IA. i did a July art fair in Appleton. i was in a sort of back water of the show. ooh, WE BE POOPIN kettle corn(when they used white popcorn). did walk around. OOH, that tall potter's stuff, from IA, don't see him. he had a fish i liked this time. buy it. go back with big bag of popcorn.
ooh, keith of course has sold most of his stuff and he comes by and we chat and i stuff my face. he is sooo nice.
i sell ok like usual.
it was a beautiful day.

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